


made me feel like singing

by mass_hipgnosis



Series: websterverse [4]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Ridiculousness, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, may contain spoilers for the series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-07 00:02:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1877493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mass_hipgnosis/pseuds/mass_hipgnosis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Websterverse headcanon....or how the Avengers, like, became a <strike>team</strike> family through the power of music, and stuff. // This is an ongoing collection of one-shots and interludes, and may end up containing spoilers for the rest of the series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bruce

**Author's Note:**

> So, I had some queries about when I was going to get to the ACTUAL Darcy/Tony part of this series, and my comprehensive and very specific answer is, AT SOME POINT. /o\ I have an actualfax outline, and even, like, entire sexy chapters written for parts of the series that are four or five parts away. It's getting there that's an issue, and either Darcy or Tony or the Muse keep going, NO BUT WAIT. And suddenly instead of irontaser makeouts, there are two-headed lizards in the Hudson. asdfghjk *headdesk* UGH WHY BRAIN WHY. But I promise we really are getting there, and in between waits I will try to post things here. Little oneshots, glimpses, drabbles, notfics, art, antything that doesn't fit in the overall series narrative.

Bruce only made one attempt at moving out, about three months in, after an incident with the Other Guy that destroyed most of the lab. Tony and Darcy came in when he was packing and started serenading him.

_“The road is long, with many a wiiiinding turn, that leads us to who knows where....”_

Bruce took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, I appreciate the sentiment-”

Darcy slapped a hand over his mouth and crooned, _“But I'm stro-ooong! Strong enough to caaarry him-”_

And then they both put an arm around his shoulders, so he was in the middle of their little misguided kumbaya session. _“He ain't heavyyyyy, he's my brotherrrr!”_

They insisted on singing the entire thing, complete with dramatic arm-flinging and glory notes and really uncomfortably intense eye contact. By the end of the song-even JARVIS was in on it, and had a full orchestra backing them-Bruce had broken down in helpless giggles.

And when they stealthily unpacked his clothes (they weren't actually at all stealthy about it), he let them.


	2. The Wrath Of Fury

“Yo! Turanga Leela!”

The entire SHIELD commissary ground to a screeching halt as the surrounding agents waited for Nick Fury to respond to that.

He did so by pinching the bridge of his nose like he was warding off a headache and muttering, “It's like Stark had a secret baby.”

Darcy Lewis smiled at him cheerily and dropped an inch-thick stack of papers next to his lunch. “Well, that would certainly be kinky and incestuous, considering the amount of time he spends contemplating my tits. Although in his defense, they're pretty fucking amaze.”

“What do you _want,_ Lewis?”

“Hey, I'm just dropping off Stark's paperwork. And you can tell Sitwell to stop threate-nagging me; for one thing, it only makes Tony drag it out longer because he enjoys my pain, and for two, I don't let a guy ride my ass like that unless he's at least taken me out for dinner first, and dude is SOL on that because I don't date humourless asshole G-men. So if you could, you know, mention to him that he needs to step off, I'd appreciate it.”

He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, in no way willing to admit that Sitwell had been pretty insufferable lately in his attempts to prove that he could fill Coulson's shoes. “How is that my problem?”

“Well, I just figure you don't need the extra paperwork of me and Ol' Sparky leaving one of your senior jackbooted thugs twitching and drooling on the floor. The last time I tased somebody, I felt like I needed to apologise to the rainforest after, and that was just a bitty baby agent.”

And she would do it, too. Nick knew that. Lewis had tased Delinsky until he pissed himself for slapping her ass, back in New Mexico. The only reason she hadn't ended up in cuffs was because Phil thought it was both hilarious and well-deserved.

 _I consider it an object lesson in both situational awareness and appropriate workplace behavior,_ Coulson had said with his typical sangfroid in the informal incident report. It was one of the reasons Nick had considered her as an agent, and he was still a little miffed that Stark had snatched her up.

He comforted himself with the knowledge that she had to deal with _Stark_ on a daily basis.

“Let Mr. Stark know that if he wants to remain a part of the Avengers Initiative, it would behoove him to submit his paperwork on time and without sarcastic commentary.”

“Oh, the commentary comes free. Like a gift with purchase.” She smirked at him.

 _She either would have been the best agent SHIELD has ever seen, or the whole place would have exploded within a week,_ Nick mused. _Either way, it would have been interesting._ “Get out of here.”

“Yes sir, Colonel Tigh sir!”

_“Out!”_


	3. the two-headed lizard thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place about a week prior to the first chapter of _city lights._

“Come on, we're going to a marketing meeting for the new Starkphone.”

“What? No. That sounds terrible. I definitely don't want to do that.”

“I promise it will be fun.”

Tony narrowed his eyes at her. “You're lying.”

“Well, whether I'm lying or not, you're still going, so you better hope I'm telling the truth.”

* * *

Twinkies, cappucino cupcakes, carrot cake muffins, assorted sweet and savory scones, an enormous fruit platter, and Darcy doing her barista thing with a coffeemaker that could probably match a NASA supercomputer for processing power. 

By the time everyone was settled in with food and coffee, the meeting had taken on almost a party atmosphere. Tony actually managed to pay attention for the first ten minutes while Hutton laid out the overall strategy for rebranding the Starkphone to separate it from the other smartphones on the market...it was almost sort of interesting, from a let's-make-the-media-our-bitch standpoint. Darcy was seated next to him with her Starkpad snapped into its keyboard base and appeared to be diligently taking notes like a good little assistant.

Tony's pad lit up with a new message notification, and he opened it to see Darcy had sent him a link to a flash game. Buzzword Bingo. He played a couple rounds of that, which had the side effect of making him look like he was paying attention, and just when he was starting to get bored and fiddly, he got an IM from Darcy. 

_Watch. Every time Hutton looks at my tits it overloads his brain._

She sat up a little straighter, thrusting her chest out as a consequence, and tucked her hair behind one ear. Sure enough, Matt Hutton looked, stammered for about ten seconds, then appeared to complete a mental reboot and got back to what he'd been saying.

Tony located and IM'ed her an appropriate Demotivational poster.

About fifteen minutes after that, he got a call that there were enormous two-headed lizards crawling out of the Hudson. Darcy handed over the suitcase suit, mouthed, _You're welcome,_ and assured him, loudly enough for the other meeting flunkies to hear, “I'll keep taking notes and I'm sure you can email Mr. Hutton if you have any questions once you've reviewed them.”

Hutton practically tripped over himself to assure them both that yes indeedy, he would be happy to expound further on SI's European marketing strategy anytime, any time at all.

With the part of his brain that wasn't occupied with blowing up enormous two-headed fire-breathing lizards, Tony wondered how in the hell Darcy had orchestrated an attack on the city, just to give him a perfect out.

He suspected JARVIS and the as-yet-unclear strategy for his plot for world domination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darcy didn't orchestrate the attack. She was, however, perfectly willing to take total credit for happenstance and appear more omniscient and/or devious than she actually is.


	4. get mugged

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically, this starts at the beginning of _'so much for escaping gravity'_ (which is the next part of websterverse after _'city lights'),_ but there are no spoilers, other than the implication of Clint and Natasha living in the Tower (come on, you knew it was gonna happen).

After the third time an Avenger whined to Darcy about someone else taking their coffee and/or breakfast in the morning scramble that was ten people trying to eat and get caffienated when the kitchen was full of identical white stoneware, Tony knew it was all going to end it tears. Darcy's rant may have included the phrase 'not running a daycare,' which was usually an indication that they weren't going to like her tongue-in-cheek response. 

Tony shuffled into the kitchen two mornings later to discover that the solution was apparently personalized coffee mugs, and color-coded plates and bowls. 

A purple mug with a bull's-eye on it that declared, _Archers do it with two hands and a shaft._

A hot-rod red mug with gold lettering: _Engineers do it until it hertz._

A mug the same bright blue as Steve's suit, with the shield printed on one side, and on the other, the slogan, _Soldiers do it in formation._

A navy blue mug spattered with tiny silver stars. _Astrophysicists do it with a Big Bang._

An emerald-green mug: _Biochemists do it on the table, periodically._

A black mug decorated with little cartoon spiders and the words, _Spies do it undercover._

An enormous grey mug with silver lettering, _Gods do it until you're Thor._

A Tiffany-blue mug with a pair of sky-high black stilettos on one side, and on the other, the slogan _Redheads do it better than you._

After Rhodey's visit, when he was on R &R after Christmas, the mug collection was joined by an Air Force blue mug with the USAF symbol on one side and the slogan, _Pilots do it in the cockpit._

Tony got her back with a yellow mug emblazoned in teal Comic Sans. _Hipsters did it before you ever heard of it._ Her screech of _“I am NOT A HIPSTER!!!!”_ could be heard three floors away. It was eventually replaced with a hot pink one (a birthday gift from Jane) reading, _Interns do it for free._


End file.
